As you well know, my blog posts are usually filled with a
whole bunch of bla bla bla about my life. So this time I’m going to do
something a little different. But first a little background of why why why.
One day Alex and I were sitting in our living room. Alex was
bemoaning his unenviable task of cover letter writing. In his desperation, he
pleaded me (hyperbole? Me? Noooo) to write his cover letter for him. I brought
up the excellent point that I have very little knowledge of his work history.
In response, he proposed a compromise. I should write his cover letter, but
instead of using his work history I could use Bruce Wayne’s instead. And so
here you are Alex. What I imagine the rough draft of Batman’s cover letter might
look like:
Dear hiring manager,
I am writing to express my interest in the computer analysis
position with your esteemed IT company. My butler saw your job announcement on Monster.com and
recommended that I apply. I believe my mental fortitude, physical honed body, bachelor
good looks, and intimidating demeanor would be an excellent fit for this
job.
I became a billionaire philanthropist and the head of Wayne
Industries at age eight. For the next twenty-two years I traveled extensively
across the globe training with masters of detection, martial arts, technology
and acrobatics. Oh and ninjas, lots of ninjas. When I returned to Gotham I
continued to practice all the skills I had learned in order to stop all the
hoodlums and freaks plaguing our once great city with their superstitious,
cowardly and dastardly deeds!!!
While I have reached overall mental and physical perfection,
I also have many skills directly related to this IT position. Both my
legitimate business company and personal cave are at the forefront of
technological invention. I have vast experience using the most technically
advanced computer system in existence to assist me with crime fighting, and
some light stalking of my girlfriends. Though I prefer to work alone I can
also work with others. I have experience tutoring and mentoring youths to help
me with my war. Though there hasn’t been a great mortality rate so far. Once I am offered this position my
tenacity will ensure that nothing and no one, (not even you blasted Joker! You
rogue!) will stop me from completing any task that I am assigned. After all, I
have persevered through a broken back, false imprisonment, and death itself!
I
can be reached by sky signal and am available to work until sundown. I would be
pleased to provide any additions, financial encouragement, or
clarifications to this application. And remember I have unlimited resources and
a very practiced punching hand if you choose to not hire me for this position.
Sincerely,
The Batman
Wayne Manor
Bat Signal
I.Am.The.Night@hotmail.com
Post Afterward: So there was my attempt at humor unrelated
to my life experiences. Could I have possibly used the energy and thought expended
writing this post to write an actual cover letter for a real job application
for myself? What a silly question!
p.s. I.Am.The.Night@hotmail.com is now a real email address. So if you feel like writing anything to Batman feel free.
